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me: cleaned my apt

  very beautiful

  u met rachel yet?

1:33 PM Flaker: yep just got back from lunch

 me: how was it?

1:35 PM Flaker: it was good, everything seems to be cool.

 me: u offer to be her fuck buddy?

1:36 PM Flaker: hahaha. no actually slipped my mind.

 me: i need to get the salad and appetizer ingredients

  not sure what to make yet

  also mixers for specialty cocktails

1:37 PM Flaker: well if you still want to go shopping for all that I guess I can join you now, I just figured you’d have started earlier

1:38 PM me: no i was cleaning and working on facesopne

1:39 PM are you going to drive down here tonight, or take the bus?

1:40 PM Flaker: I was planning on driving, actually I’ll need to move my car because it’s currently in a pay spot, thanks to the good Dr.

 me: alright, drive down here now

  and we’ll go shopping

1:41 PM Flaker: actually now that I think about it I should really do homework for a couple of hours. So why don’t we stick to the original plan and I just come down later.

1:42 PM me: you whore

  i have your homework here

5 minutes

1:47 PM Flaker: sorry about the net, so we good then, what time you want to start dinner?

1:51 PM me: i’m going to pick up ian in half an hour

  then we’re going shopping

  and when we get back we’ll start cooking and drinking

 Flaker: cool, why don’t you just drop me a line when you get home then

1:52 PM me: we’ll probably start at 430

 

me: gorgeous

  you there?

1:31 PM Pork.stanley: hey

  yeah

  sorry, was in the shower

  whats going on?

 me: just prepping for the monday night dinner

  have the day off

  MLK day

1:32 PM Pork.stanley: niiiice

 me: my turn to have everyone over and cook dinner

 Pork.stanley: what are you making?

 me: ian, diane, fletch, lucas, and others

  probably pasta

  and salad

  and an appetizer

 Pork.stanley: no Z?

 me: invited her, she said she had to meet a friend going through a rough time

1:33 PM i’m not sure what kind of salad and appetizer to make yet

  little intimidating cooking for three professional chefs

 Pork.stanley: hehe. i’d imagine

  but its food. give them enough wine and they’ll love it

1:34 PM me: probably true

  i started a liquor cabinet saturday

  200 bucks of booze

  most pretty decent stuff

  i’m going to try to make cocktails and specialty drinks tonight

1:35 PM we’ll also probably have wine and beer

  definitely wine for the pasta

1:36 PM u still in cali?

1:38 PM Pork.stanley: yep yep

1:39 PM sunny and cool

  went to SF yesterday, hiking along the coast

  was v. nice

 me: sounds like fun

  great to see the lady again?

 Pork.stanley: hell yes

  very good

1:40 PM me: i hope you restrained your lower impulses and didn’t kiss her. You know jesus only approves of hand holding

 Pork.stanley: yes

  but satan loves outdoor sex with multiple partners

1:41 PM so, i take the middle path

 me: haha

 Pork.stanley: balance. thats what its all about

 me: you missed out on an awesome time when Harm-Stop came up for christmas

  skiing, packwood partying, fine dining downtown, shotgun shooting, partying with his fam

1:42 PM and the man himself reappeared for the first time in a year and ahalf

 Pork.stanley: haha

  right on

1:43 PM that souonds like a blast

  i heard you went to see my Tron

  she really like taht

  that

 me: yup

 Pork.stanley: you guys have gold stars in her book now

 me: awesome haha

 Pork.stanley: despite previous lude behavior

  how long were you in ptown?

 me: 3 days

  skiied the first day

1:44 PM visited people the second and drank and shot pool

  skiied the 3rd day

  spent some high quality time drinking cran-vodkas in the hot tub

  with a foot of snow all around us

  the sign said not to stay in for more than half an hour

 Pork.stanley: niiiice

1:45 PM me: i think we were in it for 2 and a half

  lol

 Pork.stanley: which hot tub?

  the one at the hotel/

 me: yep

  down at the end of your road

  remember when we tried to sneak into it after drinking at the empty bar?

1:46 PM Pork.stanley: LOL

  i’m glad it was empty

  i remember stashing some of our clothes on teh road

  hahaha

 me: haha

  that was fun

1:47 PM what day do you get back up here?

1:48 PM Pork.stanley: sat night

  left tuesday

1:49 PM a very breif stay at home

1:50 PM me: when are you coming back to the good ol’ W & A?

1:51 PM Pork.stanley: heading back thursday night

  i was actually about to call my sis

  see what the plan is for returning to packwood. maybe she would be willing to pick me up and stay in seattle thur

1:52 PM so i can love you with all my heart for a brief Tronent

 me: haha

  how long are you going to stick around for?

1:53 PM (you are going back to china right?

  )

1:54 PM Pork.stanley: yeah, back to china until june

  heading out Feb 1st to the antarctic

 me: thats right

  badass

1:55 PM Pork.stanley: i am the product of my parents whims

 me: u going to spend most of that time with Tron?

  ah

1:57 PM Pork.stanley: oh. yeah, my Tron and i are the sole members of the arctic 08 expidition

  from the 24-30th still working on it. trying to find some time up in seattle

1:58 PM me: as usual, weekends work best… but if you can only do it on another day, i can call in sick

 Pork.stanley: hehehe

  you’re a good man

  ok, now i must away

1:59 PM we shall chat again soon

  my numbers is the origiinal

 me: cool

  later

 Pork.stanley: 509-378-5863

  llaaaater

 me: gonna go pikc up ian

 Pork.stanley: say hi from Pork

 

Sandy: there’s no chargable work to do.

  I’m just sitting around.

  took a two hour lunch today, and no one even noticed, let alone cared.

11 minutes

4:09 PM me: lol

  nice

  i do that every day

13 minutes

4:22 PM me: how do you feel about the possibility of chess this evening?

4:23 PM Sandy: actually that could work well

 me: sweet

  my place?

  or u want to make me something proteinous at yours?

4:24 PM also, this is dependent on this girl not calling me back.. we were supposed to have a first date tonight but she sketched out

4:26 PM Sandy: how do you know that

4:27 PM me: huh?

  the girl was supposed to let me know if we could meet earlier, but never contacted me

  so if she doesn’t, i am free

  to kick your butt in chess

4:31 PM Sandy: great you can come pick me up from work

18 minutes

4:49 PM me: or u can walk over

  lol

29 minutes

5:19 PM me: yo

  what are u doing at work right now?

 Sandy: actually, reviewing my evaluation feedback.

  Sandy is making valuable contributions to the office and is on-track as a first year consultant. I would like him to focus more attention on details and prioritizing in projects.

  could he be more cryptic?

5:20 PM me: lol

 Sandy: focus on prioritizing?

  that sounds like a silicon valley management class.

 me: hahaha… he probably said the same thing for every consultant

  copy & paste baby

5:21 PM Sandy: there’s only two of us; does that save that much time?

 me: haha

  what’d he say for your partner?

 Sandy: no idea. we don’t talk about these things.

5:24 PM me: u should

5:25 PM Sandy: too much forced competition; we like each other and get along very well, but there’s still a sense of not being able to tip one’s hand.

5:26 PM me: hmm

  dude i’m headed out

5:27 PM want to come over for chess or do we have to go to your place?

  you have any food to bribe me with?

  protein food?

 Sandy: I’ll bribe you with food if you’ll come pick me up

 me: alright

  i’m headed to my place now, i’ll call u fromthere when i pull out

5:28 PM Sandy: kk

 

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY. THANK YOU.

Sandy Bleed asked me to help him and Faraway (his roommate) move about a week ago and initially I said no, because when I needed to move in August he refused to help me. He then had Faraway call me a couple of times to try and plead their case, basically thinking that he would take advantage of my baser urges to get me to come and help him. Faraway is a pretty cute blonde, 5′4” and 110 pounds. She has a great body and a fairly sharp wit (enough to make her a bitch sometimes).

As you know, Sandy has had a crush for several years on Faraway and has unsuccessfully pursued her with his very subtle/passive aggressive methods. He is one of those guys who follows women like puppy dogs without ever working up the courage to make a move. Sandy ‘knew’ that I had no chance with her, which is why he used her as bait to try to get my help.

I realized that he was being a bit of a dumb ass about it, but I am not the type to hold petty grudges, so I told him that I would help out… and I kind of wanted to beat him at his own game. Of course, I drew it out a little bit first… I didn’t pick up Faraway’s calls at first and when I finally did talk to her we ended up chatting for over an hour and laid a little foundation work.

On the day of the move, I showed up at their house and Sandy had not done any packing (though I don’t really either lol), so we started tossing his stuff in boxes. Faraway had all of her stuff ready, so moving her was quick. Sandy had decided to buy all of his new furniture before he moved, so I had to move 3 tables, 8 chairs, 2 couches, 1 love seat 3 dressers, 6 bookcases and a million little things. When we finished, I was pretty tired, but I took them up on the dinner they offered me. We went to a really good Haitian place called Waid’s in the Central District- I highly recommend it, it’s reasonably priced and very tasty. Anyways, while we were there, Faraway started flirting with me and Sandy started getting awkward about it. Sandy acting awkward about Faraway’s flirting made Heather (Sandy’s 35 year old hideous hookup) very uncomfortable and awkward too. Off topic- Heather actually came up to me at the beginning of the move and whispered in my ear that she had used to think I was a meathead asshole, but then she read my blog and it made an impression on her enough to think that I was a good guy lol.

I had a few beers there and Faraway had one and a glass of champagne. I wanted to go out to bar hopping, but Sandy and Heather had to return the U-Haul, get some stuff from Sandy’s work and bring one last carload of food home, so they dropped Faraway and I back off at Sandy’s place. At this point, I turned to Faraway and told her, “Are you going to give me booze and hang out or should I move on to the next destination?” She replied, “Come in. Do I really have to give you booze to get you to stay?” “Not necessarily, what else do you have to offer me?” She ignored that last comment and had me come in. We opened a bottle of wine (turned out later to be Sandy’s, but it’s not like he drinks them). We sat on the couch and talked for about two or three hours and drank. We flirted most of the night and had some pretty entertaining conversation, until out of the blue she said she wasn’t going to kiss me. I just looked at her with a strange, shocked expression and said, “wow… you are awful. I have been hanging out with you for three hours and you think I’m just trying to hook up with you? Are we in junior high? I’m going to to go to the bathroom.” I stood up to go and she started apologizing and said, “Sandy told me that you were a horrible meathead and all you wanted to do was have sex with me.” My usually sleepy eyelids opened a good amount on hearing this admission.

Faraway ended up telling me that Sandy has been disparaging me to her (in his attempt to keep her from sleeping with me). I thought this was kind of fucked up. I had gone over to his house about a month ago to play chess and she was there and we had some friendly flirting. Sandy had really freaked out about this and said some pretty rude things, then didn’t invite me over for chess for quite some time. Evidently after I had left that night, he had asked her to promise never ever to sleep with me. What a guy…. I explained to her that he said those bad things about me because he still was trying to hook up with her. She said that he had given up long ago and they were just friends now.

Anyways, I kept hanging out with Faraway and Sandy finally got home with Heather after midnight. I think that I have very rarely seen a more passive aggressive display then what followed. Sandy kept coming downstairs or sending Heather down on little meaningless errands and they kept making pointed, awkward comments. Faraway finally turned to me and said, “Wow, you were right about Sandy. I’m kind of pissed about this.” They kept doing it for awhile more, then went upstairs to have sex and commiserate about their miseries; Sandy about Faraway, Heather about Sandy wanting Faraway lol.

Faraway and I ended up cuddled up on the couch and she slept laying on my chess till around 4am when I decided I wanted to go home. She kept begging me to stay just a while longer, which I did at first, but she kept trying to convince me to stay and finally I broke away. When I left, she said, “You’re such a sweet man… I really want you to stay with me, please stay.”

Moral of the story: Don’t say shit about person A to person B, then try to use person B to manipulate person A to do your bidding…. it could backfire in a big way. Especially when person A is a brilliant and gorgeous stud.

Faraway told me that she was going to tell Sandy when she got up today that she fucked me and came three times and that I was the hottest shit since sliced bread lol.

I plan on calling her tomorrow or the next day and getting together again. If she’s lucky, she may get to do more than just kiss and snuggle with me. And Sandy may get a video tape of it.

Moham: dude Ali’s wife is Sherri, not Shari

  you might want to change that lol

 me: you spelled it that way tard

  lol

 Moham: no I didn’t…look at the e-mail

11:21 AM me: shit ur right

  lol

 Moham: lol

  and sarah’s last name is Hadi, not hardi

11:22 AM me: fixed

  jesus

 Moham: are we a little dyslexic perhaps

  lol

 me: anything else?

11:23 AM Moham: yeah….would you like to clean my balls

 me: sure bro, let me get my magnifying glass

 Moham: hahahahha….nice

11:24 AM anyways, Im about to go out drinking cause it’s my leaving party. Although I’m afraid Im gonna get too hammered and then get really pissed off

11:25 AM this is not a good time to get really hammered

11:26 AM me: hmmm

  well if u get back and post a comment w/in 6 hours, i can edit it for you

  and learn from fred- dont’ get wasted and get in fights

  they can end very badly

  just be chill

  go cry in a corner or something

11:27 AM Moham: dude after this incident man Im staying away from shit like that

  you never what can happen

 me: i would hate to have to write a post about you

  exactly

  even little douches could be carrying a knife or gun

11:28 AM Moham: yeah I know. Some dude recently got shit after just a regular fight

  some 16 year old kid

  shot

 me: yeah, stay safe

  i have decided i’d rather be a lover than a fighter

  and if i fight, it’s with words instead of fists

11:29 AM at this point in my life

 Moham: yeah seriously.

 me: i don’t feel like having some dumbass break my jaw

  and fuck up my face for life

  i am too pretty for that

 Moham: hahahahha

11:30 AM anyways dude, im gonna hit the showers and I’ll talk to you later

11:31 AM peace bro

 me: later

 

me: yo chiefie

 Flaker: mornin

7 minutes

10:31 AM me: you in class/

10:32 AM Flaker: not for another 45 minutes or so

6 minutes

10:38 AM me: u think i should post a blog on the other side?

  http://jhessemer.spaces.live.com/blog/

10:41 AM Flaker: I think you’re not really involved and you’ve said your piece and you should stay out of it, at least until something actually happens.

10:42 AM me: hmmm

10:43 AM u think i should try to interview him?

10:44 AM Flaker: If he’s got an attorney worth his salt he won’t talk to you.

10:45 AM me: this is the brother

  not the guy

10:48 AM Flaker: oh well, you can try, but I imagine the family’s been told not to discuss the matter. What are you going to ask they guy?

  *the

 me: i dont know

  i’m sending him a message now

10:50 AM Flaker: I think you missed your calling you should have been a journalist.

  It would suit you, it’s really competitive, it’s dirty, and you get to insert your personal view into people’s knowledge of the world.

 me: hahaha

8 minutes

10:59 AM me: can i interview u?

 Flaker: you already did that, I wasn’t happy with my treatment

 me: we can do it while ur in class… just answer during breaks

11:00 AM it’ll be over messenger

  i’ll copy & paste the whole thing

11:02 AM Flaker: maybe later this class requires me to be a little more present

 me: ok

12 minutes

11:15 AM me: got an email from faraway today

  want to hear some quotes?

 Flaker: did you have dinner with her last night?

11:16 AM me: yeah

  “I had a lovely time last night. I really want to see you again. And I also really want you…. but I am shy. So that’s where I am at. What do you think?? “

  “Let me know what the plan is for tonight. I may go out for a little while, but am still undecided. I’ll leave it up to you- (meaning you decide for me).”

  she wants my nuts

11:17 AM Flaker: clearly.

  you gonna go for it?

 me: i’m going to fuck her

  probably not date her

11:18 AM Flaker: hahaha

 me: you bringing katie?

  tonight?

 Flaker: Her friend is having a going away party tonight, so she’ll be there.

11:19 AM me: ah

 Flaker: plus she isn’t 21 yet

 me: you going to give her some late night boning around 3am?

11:20 AM Flaker: perhaps

 me: i used the grind on faraway last night

  she was way into it… but i couldn’t get her to have sex

11:21 AM she’ll definitely do it tonight

 Flaker: I know what it is about that phrase I find distasteful. It makes me imagine you rubbing your pelvis against some girl. EEururruuugghghh

11:22 AM me: i actually dont use my pelvis

  i have a long torso

  i find my abs to be much more effective

  i have more control

 Flaker: that doesn’t improve the image

 me: perhaps thats why u dont understand the grind

  i use my sides sometimes

  rub that clittie

  i am amazing

11:23 AM Flaker: hahahaha I love you so much. My secret technique: rub any part of me against the clit that I can…

  profound wisdom. I got to run.

 me: later

 

me: lift tonight?

 Flaker: Aren’t we having dinner tonight?

10:48 AM me: no, i think that’s tomorrow

 Flaker: oh, alright, sure then.

 me: right?

  i could be wrong

  hmm….

 Flaker: should probably find out.

 me: I’m sure ians in bed

  but i’ll try

5 minutes

10:54 AM Flaker: Let me know what you find out. You see the thing about the art robbery? I think I should become an art thief. Problem is you’ve got to find someone to buy that stuff before you steal it, it’s not like you can shop it around. Tell you what you make a lot of money and buy what I steal.

10:56 AM me: lol

  great deal

10:57 AM I’ll instantly turn you over to the authorities

  it’ll be more entertaining to watch you be cellmates with lysol then to look at a picasso

10:58 AM Flaker: hahaha, but I’ll be cutting a deal telling them that I was only stealing it cause you placed an order for it, they’ll be more interested at getting at the money behind the operation.

5 minutes

11:03 AM me: lol

  fuck

  i’m pissed off

11:04 AM faraway gave me a damned hickie

  in a very obvious place on my neck

  and first thing that happened when i got to work was someone asked “is that a hickei?”

  faraway had lent me some concealer

  so i tried putting it on and another coworker commented on it

  and so i decided to be preemptive

11:05 AM Flaker: hahahaha, too high up to just button up your collar, maybe put on a tie?

 me: and tell Skywoman i made a bet with you on my birthday that you couldn’t get a random girl to give me a hickie and lost

  i dont think she bought it

 Flaker: hahahaha

 me: she said, “that’s nice, you’re an idiot”

  and signed off

11:06 AM awkward

 Flaker: well this may help you maintain your broken up status.

 me: probably

11:07 AM it’s going to make her hate me

  and make work really awkward

11:08 AM no much to high for that

11:09 AM Flaker: well, that’ll be fun. You don’t really see her at work that much unless you try to though, do you?

11:10 AM me: no

  she sits in the office next to mine

11:11 AM and we have daily meetings for a half hour

11:14 AM Flaker: well maybe this will be a valuable example of why people say you shouldn’t date people at your place of work.

11:15 AM me: yes yes, i know

  i still enjoyed it though

 

me: hey arcadia

  how have you been?

6:53 PM can: hey

  good and bad

  you?

5 minutes

6:58 PM can: you been busy lately?

7:00 PM me: i’ve been well.. sick of work though

  very very busy

  what’s good and what’s bad?

7:01 PM can: i don’t even know.. yesterday i had a GREAT day, and today i’m having a ‘blech’ day, for no apparent reason

 me: weird

 can: i’m doing pretty well running–seeing real improvement

7:02 PM but today i really really didn’t want to go

  so i let myself skip

  i’m experiencing a pretty normal mid-quarter slump in terms of work motivation

 me: i’m glad to hear you’re improving

 can: the calm before the shitstorm of papers

  yeah, it’s really cool

7:03 PM i can run for 10 minutes straight…basically no problem every time i go now

  before i didn’t like to run more than 6-8 mins wihtout stopping

  

  and i’ve been feeling productive at work

  coffee is fun

7:04 PM which is what i was hoping–i always secretly thought i’d really like making coffee, even though people told me it was mundane and boring

  anyway, i’m not very interesting these days

  have you been up to anything fun?

7:05 PM besides your birthday, of course

  

7 minutes

7:12 PM me: writing a lot of blogs

  i have been keeping it up to date

7:13 PM if you ever wonder what i’m doing

  go to blog.joelx.com

  write some comments.. i like those

  worked out with fletch tonight

  making dinner right now

 can: i am suspicious of blogs

 me: onions, mushrooms and tofu with wine in it… very weird

 can: haha

 me: basically threw in everything i had left over

7:14 PM can: i was going to say

 me: don’t be suspicious of my blog… it’s not too threatening

 can: haha

7:15 PM i just don’t know about them

  apparently they’re ‘the future’

7:16 PM but i just feel like… it’s kind of a big assumption that the world is interested in what you (generic you) have to say

  no offense, i’m sure yours is fine

  but the genre seems egotistical to me

7:20 PM me: what are you talking about? i am the greatest genius in the history of man and every word i say should be encoded for all of history in a gigantic gold tablet to be placed on top of mt. everest with continuous satellite television coverage of it

7:21 PM can: good–no one will ever find it up there, lol

15 minutes

7:36 PM can: well

  i feel like a complete shit

  i’m sorry

  so tell me about fred stephens

7:37 PM and how are you doing?

14 minutes

7:51 PM can: http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/TypeEight.asp

42 minutes

8:34 PM can: um

8:35 PM crap–never mind

me: yo dude

10:52 AM Flaker: what’s the word

 me: nic sent me a text and wants to come tonight

10:53 AM i told him there probably wouldn’t be space

  i want to keep this dinners small

 Flaker: how many we got, you, me, Ian, Di, and Lucas right?

 me: core group= ian, me, you, lucas… if there’s room people can bring others once in a while

  yeah, as far as i know

10:54 AM Flaker: yeah, smaller would be better I got enough food to feed about 7 in case we had extras but, smaller would be better.

10:55 AM me: yeah, i’ll tell him

10:56 AM Flaker: man stupid shitty weather I got to walk down to the liquor store over my lunch break.

10:58 AM me: lol i love the snow

  i am going to go for a drive before dinner

10:59 AM Flaker: and somehow you remain high at the top of my most likely friend to die in a fiery car crash.

 me: haha

11:01 AM Flaker: Dude, most savage drinking game ever. Too bad I don’t have TV

  http://www.drinkinggame.us/

11:03 AM me: hahahahhaha

  awesome

11:05 AM its online btw

11:06 AM Flaker: true, no guarantee my internet will function well enough to watch live video.

5 minutes

11:11 AM me: it wont